You will be here soon! Before you know it, I’ll be holding you and rocking you in the wee hours of the night.
You seem ready to check out of Hotel Mom. I have been watching your feet and hands move up and down under my skin for weeks now; some days it feels like you are trying to break free, but can’t figure out just how to do it yet. Life is hectic here, so I’m in no rush to let you out into the world just yet. That will come soon enough! It will be wonderful to meet you, but hang on just a little longer, please. Mom’s still only half-packed for the hospital. Ha, who are we kidding? That's not going to change. J
This morning I was thinking about the day I found out I was pregnant with you. It was a Monday morning in January, and I had just gotten home from visiting Auntie Jamie in Chicago for the weekend. I had no clue. With a long history of infertility and a diagnosis that pretty much said we had a zero chance of getting pregnant without assistance, you just never expect to be pregnant by surprise.
But I woke up that Monday and something made me take a test. Trust me, baby, I have taken loads of pregnancy tests in my life…all but one came up negative. I didn’t think I’d be pregnant…all those negatives brace you for that…but something was making my hands shake as I tore the test open that day. I remember thinking, “If I’m not pregnant, maybe I’m sick.” As I took the test, I started shaking even more – this was new. Maybe somewhere deep down I had an inkling.
I didn’t even have to wait. I glanced at that test and it instantly said, “Positive” and I said, “No way, no way, no way…” and my head started spinning. A million thoughts started running through my head. 14-month-old twins and another baby on the way.
Your sister, Baby A, started making baby sounds from her crib. I went to her, test in hand, and said,
“I’m pregnant. Mama’s pregnant. What do you think of that?”
I had to say it out loud to someone, and she was a pretty safe audience. She smiled at me, and I said, “Good answer, sweet girl.” I picked her up with my trembling arms and we went to Baby B’s room where I said the same thing. And what did Baby B do? She smiled, too, no joke. I almost felt like they already knew.
I decided I would wait until Dad got home from work to tell him, and in the next second I was dialing his phone number.
“Hey, what’s up?” Awkward. “Umm, I just wanted to call…I…uh…I’m pregnant.”
“Justin, I’m pregnant, and shocked, and I wasn’t going to call you, but I’m shaking so hard and I can’t just sit here with this information all day.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope, serious as a heart attack.” I started to cry. The tears weren’t because I was sad…I was overwhelmed. I was in complete shock. I absolutely couldn’t believe it, and my heart felt like it might burst with emotion and my hands were still shaking and I thought I might vomit. And I had happiness welling up inside of me at a drastic pace.
“Oh my God, you should call the doctor. Oh my God. Are you sure? Are you going to call the doctor?” It’s like we didn’t know how to operate without medical assistance! Ha, ha… he was happy, I could tell. And overwhelmed and for all I knew, he could have been shaking like a leaf with emotion, as well.
“I will, yes.”
“Ok, well, I love you!”
Dad and I usually don’t have such awkward conversations. But I also don’t usually call him at work to tell him something that will turn his world upside down. Baby C – that’s what you did. You turned our world upside down.
We were shocked, yes. But the shock was quickly replaced by so much love and excitement. We waited about eight weeks before we told our families, and then another month before we told anyone else. The doctor watched me like a hawk. I’d already had a few ultrasounds and many blood tests by that point. Everything was fine. I didn’t need any meds like last time, nothing. You were sticking around to stay.
And now it’s just over a week from your due date, and only God knows how long from the actual day we will meet you. Baby C, I can literally feel the excitement surrounding your arrival. It’s like a new energy has started following me around recently…and it’s so good. Dad just told me, “I’m getting so excited” and Grandma is just buzzing about you all of a sudden. Her smile is extra big and she’s eyeing up my giant belly quite a bit, always wondering aloud about you and your arrival. Your sisters, of course, are pretty clueless, but A squeals at every baby we see in public and yells, “baby!” and E is extra affectionate with my belly these days. It's just good energy - all because of you.
You are already surrounded by so much love. And when you do arrive, there will only be more. You are a miracle. Thank God for Baby C.
See you soon!
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/dongkwan/5064149056/">BrownGuacamole</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">cc</a>